Photography is emancipation from this chaotic world of madness. This freedom is but a panacea which allows myself to immortalize (shape, and even reshape) the moment. I watched, listened, transpose, and yet never fully understand what’s there. That said, what I captured is what I perceived in that moment. It is never meant to be studied. It is just a relief for me, taking a breath of fresh air and freeze a moment in life’s passage of time. Hopefully photography could be a elixir for someone else too.
Photography is art and science. Van Gogh couldn’t paint the sunflower without the brushes and the paint, the paper, yet the sunflower will not exist without Van Gogh. Each is interlocked with another – the vision, thought, interpretation, media, execution … This unity of processes is chosen, uniquely chosen by the artist. He chose the colors to use. He chose the paper to draw on. He chose to draw the sun flower. None is having more importance than the other.
The ability to choose a subject matter (for what it was worth), to let go and to choose again, over and over again, relieves me from the imprisonment time and space, and, at the same instance, fulfills my artistic longing and obsession. The magic addiction of this artistry can’t be stopped, in that, like a river, it constantly wedges deep at the back of the mind, ever an insomnia for you. This is how I conceive my freedom from chaos, creating imagery that hopefully would last at that moment in time.
I was born with “hole” in the heart, I know I can never fill that one hole with my freedom. The freedom is too big; too much. I am bad. I steal. I learn and unlearn. I learn from everyone. At the same time, incongruous to these pursuits, I remind myself never to fill that hole. My creative freedom is all borrowed, it is all stolen… my freedom was forged in this sun burned land. It is in this police state and a garden city, that I policed it technically with my life – my eyes and though processes. It is in this antagonistic and assimilative place, that I was policing; Anthony ignited a spark in me; Peter became my tambourine man; George ensured that needle tore a hole; Chang made sure I follow them in jingle jangle morning. It is my choice to become agitated and be inspired to create, something out of nothing. They just showed the way.
a gun for hire, like Newton I was. Being contracted to shoot for more than a decade, seeing the world, the people, the story. For those whom I had worked with and tolerated my nonsense, I feel privileged and thank you. For this wonderful homebound train ride is amazing. People board and disembark, sometimes board again, but I will always see and remember what is being left for me.
The door to Neverland, however, is limited. It will shut one day. All I wish for is to keep myself ever ready… All I wish for is to be right here.
KC Eng
photographer, Singapore
